Bachelor’s parties, lets make that spinsters bash in this instance, invariably lead to conversations centering around pre-marital jitters and cold feet. Objectively, that is what separates a spinsters bash from any other bash, the merciless dissection of the pros and cons of the groom-to-be. In fact conversations sometimes have been so brutal that it has been a surprise that there is a wedding after this event at all!
Five friends gathered at the home of the bride-to-be. Two married, two committed and of course one about to take the deep-end dive into a life of no-return. Four Vodka bottles, three wines bottles and one Irish cream bottle later, came the inevitable phase of brutality.
It began with Sheila. Sheila has been married for two years, almost happily married, save for occasional flare-ups which keep happening between couples, married or otherwise. In fact, amongst friends they were the ‘perfect’ couple. I fought hard to think back to her bash, but all that alcohol was making concentration a visible strain.
Taking a swig of wine mixed with vodka, Sheila asked, “Is the sex good?”
I sputtered over my drink. I am quite the bold and speak-out-whats-on-the-mind type of a girl, but open inquisitiveness about somebody else’s sex life, was so not me. But curiosity got the better of me and I accompanied three other pair of eyes as they stared expectantly at Maya, the bride-to-be.
Maya, wasn’t thrown back or perplexed. She seemed lost deep in thought as if she had been expecting the question and had quite not reached a satisfying answer yet. After several long moments, she shrugged her slender shoulder and said, “Its … the usual.”
The usual! Excuse me? How do you classify sex as the usual? Is there some guide book about usual sex, which helps you measure the pleasure of being together? Looks like I have missed out on quite a lot in life.
“So,” said Aditi, also married for the past six months now, “its not crazy, rocking and something you look forward to?”
“Of course it is!” said Maya a tad defensively. “I wouldn’t marry a guy who was not good in bed! Lets get real here, most fights end in bed! And if the bed’s not inviting enough you are going to be fighting all your life…”
The other three nodded their agreements and I just sank further into the cushion of the couch. I did not agree. Well the sex is undoubtedly the best after a fight. Psychologists say it is because fighting and the resolution of a fight peaks emotions, which then find a release in the final act of togetherness when two bodies become one. It enhances the futility of a fight while highlighting the greater joy of being together. But I do not think at that point anybody cared about my psychoanalysis or about the fact that good sex is an outcome of resolution of a fight than the fight itself.
I know Maya for one, would hear it all and then say, “Whats the point babe? The point is, no matter what the reason, at the end of it - the conclusion is good sex. Period.”
Jenny, who was going strong in a relation for the past year, was the most timid of us all. The one with a gentle smile and an elegant giggle… pour some alcohol into her and she could put some of the brashest tongues to shame. “Does he expect you to coo mushy things at him after having sex?”
“Ok woman!” Sheila, since she was married for two years, it qualified her as THE expert on topics as such ventured to impart some wisdom to Jenny. “There are rules and then there are rules. All of them unspoken. One such rule is the confession of an emotional bonding with the man after he has made love to you. Do it whether you want to or not!”
“But why?” asked Jenny genuinely curious.
Sheila and Aditi rolled their eyes and Maya leaned forward evidently interested. “Because if you are not emotionally involved with the guy, then you are just another sexual conquest! You have to get emotional with him to let him know that you are different from the rest of the women he has been with!”
I did not know I had screamed that out loud, till I was staring back at four very taken aback faces. I just shrugged and pointed to the bottle I was holding by means of explanation and sank bank. I was not going to sit and defy three obviously convinced women that they were wrong. But I did think. I tried hard to think of the last time I went all wishy washy over my guy after we had made love. All I could come up with was a feeling of intense pleasure and satisfaction and an explanation for why he was absolutely the most fantastic lover… ahem… again not something I was about to share with four drunken women.
But then was something the matter with me?
“It gets easier with time,” Aditi added. “ Once you are married, the sex boils down to like thrice a week…
“..twice” Sheila corrected
“… and then, its alright if you say nothing at all and turn to other side and fall asleep. Best Bet? Seven minutes and you’ll hear him snore too!!”
I could not think of ONE night where I had fallen asleep without making out! I probably would have nightmares if I did! Nor could I think of ONE morning which was not filled with the multiple joys of feeling loved… twice a week?
My horror was reflected on Maya’s pale face as she said, “Heck! Then I don’t want to get married…”