Monday, June 2, 2008

Coffee, Books and more

Thap! She snapped the book shut. Her elbows resting on the formica of the table, she sipped her coffee. Relationships, the big enigma which kept hurling more questions than answers, she realized were a lot like books. You finish reading a book and then move on to another. But wherever you go a part of that book always remains with you. And on some lonely night, in the midst of a particularly boisterous bachelor party, the truth of the words which you read in that book suddenly dawns upon you. Just like relationships. You move on, but you always retain a bit of what you shared with the other person. And just what makes the author the wise one behind those words? Imagination. The author imagines the possibility and dares to come up with a solution. Just like the outsider, who has nothing to do whatsoever with the relation discussed? His imagination pronounces him as the undisputed expert on the relationship. He imagines the possibility and thus can invent a solution. Author, books, outsiders, relationships…

She looked at her watch once again, not because she really needed to check what time it was, but because it made her look like she was waiting for someone. She was waiting for someone, but that someone would not be here at least for the next fifteen minutes. So she was very much on her own, sipping coffee which she otherwise gulped. She cringed her eyes in an effort to focus on the thoughts zinging inside her mind. What was it with pretences and relationships? Everybody seemed to say the two never mixed, yet one rested in the shadows of the others. Like Di and her.

They were the best of friends, ever ready to share a laugh and trade some gossip. But lately she found herself avoiding Di’s calls, making excuses to not call her back. She very well knew the reason for that. As of late Di had transformed into a watering pot of sorts. All she could talk about was being the victim of her boyfriend’s insensitivity, her boss’s cruelty or the partiality of the circumstances. Everybody needs to vent out frustrations, she could understand that. But Di had been at it for months. Like showers in the equatorial region, perennially there, with no signs of a change of weather either in the near or the not-so-near future.

In the beginning she had sympathized. There were the right ‘Oh poor you,” and “How could he?”. Then came the phase of active involvement, where she had tried to advocate Di’s side with the boyfriend. But she began to realize that the problem was not the boyfriend, it was Di. Di didn’t want to be with him anymore, but she couldn’t bring herself to call it off. She was doing what the conventional books advise every woman on- the –brink- of -break -off to do. She was making him leave her. But she had to be the victim too, she couldn’t be the ‘bitch who called it off’, she had to be the ‘poor girl who got dumped’. So Di had resorted to pretense. Di pretended that her boyfriend was the evil man behind the handsome mask. Which was ok. What was not ok was Di put a pretense even with her; her supposed best friend.

On numerous conversations with Di, she had wanted to put her hands on ears and scream STOP. But instead she had just listened on. She had wanted to tell Di exactly what she thought, that enough was enough and she had to snap out! But she had just stayed mum, neither sympathizing nor suggestion, just listening on. Why couldn’t she get herself to do it? To tell Di in those excruciating words that she was getting too carried away with her pretense? It would be painful yes. But then getting any infected bit out of the system always was.

What did really stop her? It was a fear that Di might never turn around and talk to her. That suddenly one fine day she would find herself quite alone. Insecurities, she realized, often bind us closer and tighter in a relation, than securities ever would.

33 comments:

marvin the paranoid android said...

so true... but can a relationship based on insecurities stand the test of time??

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ marvin

I soooo am not the right person to answer THAT question !!!

g-man said...

methinks insecurities bind you closer in the short term but are potentially disastrous. on the other hand, if you're completely secure with someone and it breaks apart, you break apart completely.

good post! i was guilty of using people's shoulder space a lot after i got broken up with

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ g-man
ummm... perhaps you have a point there.. but it raises yet another question

What is the point of getting into a relation if you are already considering breaking up?

Crimson Feet said...

I see more pathos in the situation than any logic. Mere fact that one is forced to draw such obviously deficient conclusions shows how further tragic the situation is!

Insecurities do bind people. The way the fear of an external aggressor binds the people of a country, or the way the fear of loneliness binds a married couple in a relationship (not all of course). But these are not peaceful and long lasting!
Why? Simply because once the aggressor is gone, the relationship will not hold itself together. Once that fleeting romance becomes accessible, a marriage or a relationship goes to the friendly neighborhood dog!

Once we see an escape, we don't wait. We just crave to gush out and expand into the vacuum!
Thats most of human nature, temporarily strong but mostly thinner than air.

El Furibundo said...

Life is about experiences. And there are six billion lives vying for experiences. If we assume at least 4 billion of these people are in relationships, that means 10billion personalities.
Yes, like you said, each of these is like a book. A good book stays with you forever. Taking that analogy a little further... dont you ever re-read books?

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ crimson feet

You do have a point there! And where you see pathos, I see the beginning of a journey of discovery.

Maybe relationships 'based' on insecurities have a farthing of a chance of withering the long runs. Relationships wherein the insecurities are instrumental in binding people 'closer' together often end up battling the worse of storms...

Just a thought again

Beauty and the BEast said...

El furbindo

Nice! I did never think about relationships in the context of re-reading a book...

FOod for thought!

What's In A Name ? said...

a well told story. Would u build on this ?

g-man said...

actually, the point lies in not breaking up. i dunno about everyone else, but i only get into a relationship if it is headed somewhere definite. that's prolly why i've only been in one so far

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ whats in a name

cant say for sure.. I am lethally lazy to pick up what left off.. :(

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ g-man

That makes you the dream-material boy!!

:)

g-man said...

last time i checked, geeks aren't dream material :)

Tyro said...

If there were questions to follow this , definitely I would have scored a zero .
All I understand is if you are liked by someone it is something priceless .

By the way who wrote this Beauty or the Beast ?? :) .

Khamakha said...

insecurities..and relationships..and.. books...!
loved every bit of it

-khamakha

me in love said...

baby, loved the way you so deftly wrote about something which we all face - or start - at one point or naother of life. I esp. loved the last lines, which have generated a lot of comments here :P

You know, if i was the girl in the story - i would have told off Di - it's much better that way. sometimes, you need to give people a bit of tough love, (after trying everything else, ofcourse)really. and if she wouldn't talk to me after that, well, quite frankly, she's the one who's losing a lot.

good food for thought... :)

Cinderella. said...

You know the listening phase acnt last longer too. There's always a limit, always. Its better to confront when things are just simmering, than waiting to snap when they have turn intolerbly piping hot...

To be or not with her fren after listening to her side is Di's choice. And if she chooses to dump a fren just coz she spoke her mind, then well..her loss..

Hammer said...

I loved the way you ended this. This insecurity is the reason why we see a lot of pretense in all relationships around us. If i dont take my gf out every four days she grows insecure ( or maybe i myself would), if i dont call home for two weeks my mom would, if i dont visit my friends once in awhile they would ... all grow insecure.. a fear that i might have found something more interesting than them or vice versa. :)


By the way, That comment was quite fast. It came in only 10 mins after i created that blog! My new baby was only learning to walk then :)

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ g-man

Ok I shall not flatter you further..

But heck spiderman,when he is not spider man (I so cant remember the actor's name) is a geek.. and umm.. u guess the rest!

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ Tyro

I like the simplicity of your thought... wish I could be that simple..

as to who wrote it? It could be the beast residing in the beauty :l

This blog is co-authored by Marvin (who claims to be the beast between the two of us)..

Beauty and the BEast said...

@Khamakha

Thank you!! :)

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ me in love

Thanks honey!! I always love it when you have visited and left a comment behind.. you seem to pick up my thoughts exactly where I left them!!

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ cinderella

missed ya girl.. where have you been?

I agree sometimes, no matter what the consequence, you ought to speak your mind

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ Hammer

What do you know?? I am mighty interested in watching your baby take every step.. till actually is running full fledged :D

crasiezt said...

What an ending!!
"Insecurities, she realized, often bind us closer and tighter in a relation, than securities ever would."

Impressed!

Gonecase said...

Insecurity is the part of the package, atleast my observations says so !

Nobody was able to answer the questions you raised, nobody will; because everybody is a part of the chaos.

debasish.. said...

Hey.. that 'book' and 'relationship' thing u said seems so true.

Pranay said...

Well written...the initial part was very nicely narrated but then when the real story came, felt a kind of familiarity and was pulled in even more especially with the analysis. :)
See, confronting someone close to you is very difficult not just for the confronter but also the confronted. It is quite possible the person may feel extremely hurt and even angry. But I can tell you from experience that it can change the person for good and when the realization dawns the person is indebted coz it definitely helps see things clearly.
Liked the way you presented it though....:)

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ crasiezt

Thank you!! :)

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ gonecase

Now that is a mighty good observation!!

I love the thought that everybody is a part of the chaos.. it leads to so many more thoughts

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ debashis

Thanks!!

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ pranay

thank you! And what you say is true, speaking your mind is not always easy but sometimes it does seem like it is the best thing to do!

Pollyannaish said...

"Insecurities, she realized, often bind us closer and tighter in a relation, than securities ever would." -
not really sure ..if that is the case .. hmm..is it ??
well..as far as i hv experienced ..it only makes a relation...more..threadbare !!
lol !! well...its what i feel..am sure its different in varied situations am sure!!