Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The rush of time

He was as usual running. Having checked-in over the phone, he had bare minutes to board the flight. The ever smiling stewardess guided him towards his seat. For the umpteenth time he wondered, whether she actually hid murderous intentions behind that sweet smile. He was always late.

He settled in the luxury of his business class fare and watched from the hole which formed his window, as he left the world behind in favour of the skies. He was forever leaving something behind in favour of something else. He had traded his college cigarettes for a more expensive brand of slim lights, beers had been replaced with single malts, bikes had grown a pair of new wheels and had been renamed cars… Some called it staying in step with life, yet others called it moving on, but he could not help but feel as if he was leaving something behind.

That feeling, of having forgotten something had haunted him almost every single day for the past quarter of this century. Yet, nothing had been out of place. Work would progress as usual, he would even return home to a normal life. But the confused frown had become a natural feature gracing his worn face.

He often wondered if this was precisely why, he did not experience the so-called ‘work satisfaction’. He worked almost on auto-pilot. At work, he just could not feel happy, never got that sense of fulfillment, yet spent hours of broad daylight and the better half after sunset locked up in his office.

He had always walked back home, with the guilt riding his shoulders that he ought to have given more at work. At work more promise, meant fatter pay cheques. What did a promise at home mean?

A commitment which said, I will if I can. It had never been, I undoubtedly will. They were family and family understands. And his family had understood better than most. They had understood so well, that he had ceased to notice them. Notice that they were not just another existing necessity which completed the picture of his life.

He had left behind family for work.

“Daddy?” her voice not sounding like the five-year-old voice he remembered. The question in her voice asking if he would be there for her, seeking answers in the timbre of his voice. This voice was different, it was more authoritative. It didn’t seek the comfort of his voice, it was seeking answers in words.

“Hmmm?” His answer had failed to change in years.

“I am moving on, starting a new life, leaving the old one behind. I need you to be around when I am saying good-bye. Don’t be late this time” her voice almost pleading.

Moving on.

Leaving behind.

Don’t be late.

Good-bye.

Life had passed him by. He could recollect none of it. His wife had perhaps stacked memories in an old photo album. But he never had the time.

He was going to be late.

To say good-bye.

He could remember his daughter as the toddler who ran into his arms when he reached home. He didn’t seem to remember the woman his daughter had grown into. He was too busy to notice her growing up.

Again that feeling, that he was leaving something behind

22 comments:

AshenGlow said...

Beautiful! The pain, the sense of deprivation, the despise, the hatred, the love, the desire, the dream... all wonderfully captured!

In time one makes
the evil trade offs...one after the other...
and in effect creates an implacable enemy...
called life
Its difficult to tell who's running for it and who, away from it...

Crimson Feet said...

i like the way you needle your way through the details!!... the feeling is beautifully captured!

touching!

Mavron said...

luvly detailing, every word metamorphosises into d next feeling.ur writing makes me look at things taken-for-granted one more time wid consideration.gr8 work

Pri said...

beautifully written...

sometimes in moving on...we do leave something behind---a part of ourselves!!

sid said...

The necessity to stop amid all those hectic schedules! Nicely weaved!

marvin the paranoid android said...

is it not just a wish to go easy on ourselves that manifests itself in thoughts like this?? make no mistakes, i have more than my fair share of them... but then, just a thought...

Cinderella. said...

Love your eye for detail !
Amazing !!

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ ashenglow

Thanks for liking it!

What you say is quite true. After a while you do tend to forget whether you are chasing or have become the chased..

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ crimson feet

Gracias!

Coming from you that is high praise indeed! considering you have quite a remarkable way with words yourself!

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ mavron

Thank you.

you know what the saying goes - you dont realise the value of what you've had, till you are about to lose it?

Works best with things we take for granted..

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ pri

Welcome!

Perhaps that is why moving on is so difficult..?

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ sid

If only we took this all important break!

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ marvin

perhaps.. and maybe I could agree or disagree if I know which thoughts you were refering to?

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ Cindrella

Thanks a tonne!

As long as you enjoy reading..

Pollyannaish said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pollyannaish said...

as always..beautifully narrated...!!

on reading this...I just hope,i do not reach such a stage in life...where i realize that i have lost the most important part of my being....My Soul...while am trying to keep up with the pace...

Macadamia The Nut said...

I see it from the other side of the fence, and yet, I fail to understand this ability to miss the forest for the trees. The family suffers.

Crimson Feet said...

knock knock... anyone there?

i am waiting for the next post beauty!

Beauty and the BEast said...

@pollyannaish

You never will sweety

...you forget a memory... a thing, a person

You NEVER forget what defines you..

and you have one of the sweetest souls

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ macadmaia the nut

How true..

The family does suffer

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ crimson feet

... was just hibernating...

or maybe just catching up on 'beauty sleep'?? :P

Pollyannaish said...

hey you have made my day :-) that is the nicest thing anybody.....as said ..ever !!!! well...i know i can say that abt your soul.....if not much better than mine !!