Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The Engagement

I know there are loads of books which outline the plight (oh yes it is a plight) of single women above the alarming (according to heavens knows whose standards) age of 25. And let me assure you they are not way off the mark.

It must have been after effects of a fever I had last week, which made me attend a distant cousin’s blissful engagement. The reasons why I shouldn’t have gone are more than many. Primarily she was a year younger to me and was already planning cosy scenarios of a house filled with kids and evenings of family dinners. Which in other words means she was definitely on the path of no-return and running superfast towards tying the marital knot.

If you for once had forgotten, that you were now spending a little more on cosmetic care and groaning at the extra flab the mirror insists on telling you that you had put on, rest assured there will be a hoard of over-fat, over-decked, over-made-up aunties who will think of innovative ways of reminding you of just that.

“You look so pretty in a saree, your tyres hardly show!” This however has no bearing on the fact that her saree seemed to have trouble accommodating her wide frame. And as every well brought up child is wont to do, I just politely smiled and refrained from saying anything.

“You know Rajji’s son? He’s a divorcee. Very handsome! And is working with some MNC, I forget the name. He is looking for a bride again! Not very old either. Just 42…” Nobody till date has come up with a rational explanation as to why 42 is ‘not very old’ for a guy while 26 is old for a girl! Not mention that Rajji auntie’s so called son looks like undertaker from the forgotten worlds of wrestling federation. Why would I NOT marry him?

“You know at your age you cant be very particular about the kind of boy you want to marry!” I do not want to marry a boy, thank you. I would like to wed a man. And I am sorry, but if I am expected to spend the rest of my life with anybody, I am picky about how he is going to be.

“Look, that boy there has been eyeing you for quite a while. Ladke wala hai. So cute na?” The incident or the ‘boy’? The incident was far from cute because the ‘boy’ in question was actually a man, who I am sure had a wife stacked away at home and had come to the engagement with the sole purpose of letching at every woman there. The kind of friend the groom- to- be would refuse to acknowledge as his, but would refrain from doing anything about him, simply to avoid creating a scene.

And if all this is not enough, your very own mother will look lovingly at the cousin who is slipping a ring on her fiancĂ©’s finger and sigh very wistfully. She then looks at you and shakes her head in utter despair. The neighbouring auntie pats her shoulder as if to say – its ok, you cant help it if your daughter is such…

37 comments:

vagabond dreamer said...

at 28 its time that i get married, at least thats what every one else around me says, and for some reason all my friends, at least those who really matter had stuck by me but since nov 2007 every one has be taking the martial plunge and leaving me single and that has galvanised my mom to threaten me with the ultimatum that i better find some one or she is going to and then i wont have a choice. but the girl i am with is happy being room mates for now.
though mom likes her and dosent mind the situation she says after a year we should be sure how we feel about each other one way or the other. :D

sansmerci said...

that is a well written post ... but yea 25 is the rite age to marry according to OUR culture .. and god knows who set the standard.. but i think nowadays they don consider it late or atelast not late enough to marry a divorcee .. maybe 29 is considered late ..

Ashen Glow said...

Shucks...

How about..

I am 25
I am Bored
I wanna marry...

Not a bad reason to get married after all.. watsay ;)

Crimson Feet said...

lol... dear oh dear!

thats why i don't like public functions with people i don't care about, and they reciprocate!

its a personal decision and should be left that way. i guess our generation is experiencing much more turmoil over the marriage decision than the previous ones.

Pollyannaish said...

lol !!! i so understand yr predicament sweets !! am in the same boat ..and am planning to grab the oars right now..to quickly turn the boat and vanish in the other direction.....the place where thr wud ne no-one pestering me to tie the knot ..or a noose round my neck rather !! ;)

Beauty and the BEast said...

@vagabond dreamer

sigh! and it is rather difficult to get parents to understand the 'I am not ready to settle yet' frame of mind isnt it?

But honestly? I really do hope things work for you and you do give your mother the satisfaction a year down the line ;)

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ sansmerci

welcome aboard!

Well yeah! I think its more like, 29 IS late, so if they start harping on it since 26.. they might achieve something by 29 :p

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ashen glow

nice thought!!

Do you think I would find a like minded guy :D

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ crimson feet

Ouch! dont you dare laugh :p

I do agree with you though, earlier girls just had to fall in step with what their parents had planned for them..

Now they think for themselves!!

life just keeps getting tougher man!! :p

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ pollyannaish

you are just the person who should have read this :)

I am jumping in the same boat with you .. heck! I will even take turns at rowing ;)

Pollyannaish said...

hop on babes !! :)

Pointblank said...

Where have I heard this before??? Wait a min - its the story of my life!!! LOL

I'm hitting 25 soon, and I sooo understand it!The pressure is building, slowly but steadily!And m fighting it with all my might!

I totally avoid family functions. And m gonna try out tat sms fwd "when aunties come tickling u at weddings n say its u next, u shud say the same thing at funerals - u next" That will keep them shut!

And then, even friends suddenly turn into aunties once they tie the knot..I dont get it.. Why do they have this irresistible urge to marry off or fix up every unmarried woman!!! Beats me totally... is it cuz the are so entertainment starved?!?!

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ pollyannaish!
Thanks!!

Beauty and the BEast said...

@pointblank!

Why doesnt anybody send me such interesting sms?

lol!! But thanks for the tip!! It is most definitley a sure shot way to shut them up, at least temporarily!!

Ashen Glow said...

Aww.. thats kinda tough dear..
see.. no offences.. but guys never seem to get bored.. if the world gonna end the next minute and they are asked about marriage.. theyd be like..
"umm.. marriage?.. darling, i need some time..."
Heh...

Mavron said...

25-26 n dats it!! as if all ur life u had been brought up, taught,fed and taken care of ..so dat one fine day in ur 25th year u become a well decorated doll and go on sweetly (like an Indian Dulhan)to tie d knot.Knot somehow reminds me of gallows.anyways...i doan understand wat d whole fuss is about?why these well meaning(read demeaning)aunties of d neighbourhood take upon their slender shoulders such enormous responsiblity???hec..u remember Monsoon Wedding?Shaadis become a nuisance after ur "of age".

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ashen glow

I cant generalise, but I can speak for myself and I assue you I do NOT get bored.

If I dont find a soul mate, even if the last guy alive asks me to marry him, my reaction would be "Stuff it!"

Beauty and the BEast said...

@mavron!!

Phew! you said it better than I! :P

Aaarti said...

hahaha.. i can imagine wats running thru ur head.. welcome to my world, which am sure many others are a part of... :)

Thanks for coming by and ur comments...:)

Aaarti said...

@pointblank.. rofl at that sms.. good one, shall try using it next time i got to a family function....:)

marvin the paranoid android said...

wait till you hear what guys too go through... "now that your elder siblings are married, what are you waiting for?".. "you are well settled, have a good job... now you should get married and get a DIL for your mom" and so on goes the list...

though i'll concede girls do get the worse of the bargain in this case...

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ aaarti

Welcome here!

And you must write about the sms results the next time you use it ;)

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ marvin

ROFL

I can imagine YOU on the receiving end of this :D

Somehow it is a very comforting image
:P

sid said...

:-)). Interesting. I think most of my cousins & few friends are suffereing from the "25" syndrome and I am always left thinking-Why?

Mavron said...

@BnB

yaar at 20 Im afraid to visit my nosy relations..coz they wud peep into my messenger n wudnt even pretend to look d other way when I chek my mail..all coz they want to see if i found someone...lol

marvin the paranoid android said...

and we all keep clamouring for world peace..
mahatma gandhi said, do not be happy in a fellow human's misery, make him happy in your happiness... *angel*

me in love said...

ok i had decided that i will not post / comment till i was over my "anger" but grr, this post.. wtf is wrong with this world? i mean, sumbody just told me that i hav no "ladkiyon walein gun" coz i dont know how to cook!! fine, as if...

dont they have anything better to do? dont worry abt such ppl, they are all ^*&^*&%^&%##$#%$%

Cinderella. said...

I can so understand all this girl ! Yet I have no rationale as to why we are still in succh ancient times...

A cuzn sis of mine is 25 and is a govt employee, a phychiatrist. Shockingly her own father(my fufaaji) never supported her studying, nor her job, saying ladkiya ghar k bahar jayengi toh belagaam ho jayengi...

Wtf !! They literally lie to her to get her home so thet can showcase her infromt of some potential candidate, even when they know she has some1 she wants to marry...

Sad scenario....

Cinderella. said...

And you know what. this is the very reason I hate to attend family functions, or large social gatherings for that matter. Everybody seems to have nothing to do except harangue my dad about my shaadi...shucks !!

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ sid

I do hope you are this blissfully away from the match-making world...!!

Happy thinking- WHY!! :)

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ mavron

Dont I know of those ones!!??

It is quite annoying because they sit right at your shoulder and read every word which appears on your monitor.

Whats worse? You know all that will travel down the grapevine in a matter of minutes...

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ marvin

you DO look funny with wings :p

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ me in love

Some people cant just mind their own businesses, can they?

Vent out all the frustration here.. but please dont stay angry

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ Cinderella

Now you know where to come, when all the matrimony talks begin to get to you :)

You are welcome here ... always!!

Pri said...

sigh! the woes of a single woman who is very much happy about it till the world decides against her...and thats almost every other day! :-/
i can relate!! nvm!

Beauty and the BEast said...

@ Pri

Join the gang girl!!

Swapna said...

Believe u me, it s as bad for the guys..my bro is having the worst time of his life. At 29, he is being bugged to death by everyone we know to find a girl...but he is ticking to his guns and waiting..I have no idea if I would have had the energy... my man came my way when i was 22...so i got married a few months shy of my 25th sale date!!!